Way Back Machine 1990

CHRONICLES 1990 WEISS FAMILY

JAN  01   MARTIN DECIDES TO USE ALL CAPITALS IN CHRONS FOREVER AFTER.

JAN  01   MARTIN COMES IN TO ROOM WHERE BETH AND ANN ARE WATCHING        THE TV SHOW 'LIFE GOES ON'

     BETH -    DO YOU LIKE THAT GIRL'S GLASSES, DADDY?

     M -       I THINK IT MAKES HER LOOK LIKE A DWEEB.

     BETH -    THAT'S WHAT THE GIRL SAID, HOW DID YOU KNOW?

     ANN -     WHAT'S A DWEEB?

JAN  01   AFTER A STAIN CAUSING SPILL IN THE KITCHEN, I INDICATED        HOW I DISLIKED CLEANING STAINS.

     GEORGE - YOU SHOULD TRY DIDI 7.

     M -       WHY IS THAT?

     GEORGE -  DIDI 7 REMOVES EVEN THE TOUGHEST HOUSEHOLD STAINS.

     M -       HUH!

     GEORGE -  YES, TAR, IODIDE, BLOOD AND RUST, DIDI 7 GETS RID OF                ALL OF THEM.

     M -       I SUPPOSE OPERATORS ARE STANDING BY TOO.

     GEORGE -  YES, BUT WHAT DOES THAT MEAN?

          WELL IT'S OBVIOUS THAT TV DOES INSPIRE CURIOSITY AFTER         ALL.

JAN  02   GEORGE ENDS AN 87 HOUR PERIOD HAVING WORN HIS SUPERMAN PAJAMAS ALL BUT ONE HOUR. (ANN WASHED IT WHILE HE WAS TAKING A BATH). IS THIS HOW CULTS BEGIN?

JAN  03   END OF MEAL CONVERSATION.

     GEORGE -  DO I GET A DESSERT?

     M -       OK. GET THAT BIG CANDY CANE YOU BROUGHT HOME FROM              SCHOOL.

     BETH -    THAT'S NOT FAIR. I HAD A LITTLE CANDY CANE.

     M -       BUT YOU HAD ICE CREAM WITH YOUR CANDY CANE.

     BETH -    NO. IT'S NOT FAIR THAT HE GETS ANY DESSERT.

JAN  12   M GOES THROUGH THE ENTIRE SICK LEAVE YEAR WITHOUT TAKING ANY SICK LEAVE EXCEPT FOR DENTAL APPOINTMENTS.

JAN  13   FAIRFAX CO. SUPERVISOR GERALD HYLAND ISSUES WARNING THAT THE HOMEMADE BOTTLES OF WINE HE GAVE AS GIFTS HAVE A TENDENCY TO EXPLODE AND URGES IMMEDIATE CONSUMPTION (REALLY!)

JAN  13   CIRRUS CLOUD RAINBOW OVER ABOUT 4° OF SKY SEEN AT 4PM. NO           ADVERSE WEATHER FOLLOWS.

JAN  20   6 OF TOP 7 RANKED COLLEGE BASKETBALL TEAMS LOSE GAMES          WITHIN A SEVEN HOUR PERIOD.

JAN  21   WHILE I WAS COACHING GEORGE ABOUT NUMBERS THAT WERE DIVISIBLE BY EIGHT, HE STARTED CRYING AND WENT TO HIS ROOM. TWO MINUTES LATER HE CAME BACK SMILING AND FINISHED THE LITTLE PROBLEMS I HAD GIVEN HIM. "DO YOU THINK BETTER WHEN YOU CRY FIRST?, I ASKED. "YEAH MAN!" HE RESPONDED.

JAN  26   MY UNISONIC LC223B (CALCULATOR) CELEBRATED ITS 10TH YEAR WITHOUT NEEDING A NEW BATTERY AND GETTING USED AT LEAST WEEKLY. MUST HAVE BEEN SOME KIND OF DESIGN ERROR.

JAN  30   AT A MEETING AT THE NATIONAL ACADEMY OF SCIENCE, I HAD A SEAT WITH A VIEW OUT THE DOOR TO THE MAIN LOUNGE. IT WAS ABOUT 3 PM AND THE MEETING WAS DRONING ALONG WHEN TWO GUYS IN THE LOUNGE WHEELED IN A DOUBLE DECKER CART WITH LIQUOR ON BOTH DECKS AND NACHOS, DIP, AND SET IT UP. UPON INVESTIGATION I WAS INFORMED THAT THE NATIONAL ACADEMY OF SCIENCE HAS A FREE HAPPY HOUR. NOTE: INFORM TOURISM DEPT.

FEB 01    AT A BRANCH MEETING PERSON #1 WAS DESCRIBING HIS          EXPERIENCE "..DID THIS..THEN THIS...THEN URBAN PLANNING." ON THE OTHER SIDE OF THE TABLE PERSON #2 CUPPED HIS HAND TO HIS EARS AND SAID, "WHAT'S THAT AGAIN>" #1 REPEATED, "...THEN URBAN PLANNING." #2 CUPPED HIS HAND AGAIN AND SAID, "DID YOU SAY CRIMINAL INVESTIGATIONS?"

FEB  03   IN A CONVERSATION BETWEEN GEORGE AND HIS GRANDMOTHER.

     GM -      I HEARD YOU GOT 100% IN YOUR SPELLING TEST.

     GEORGE -  WELL THERE WERE 13 WORDS AND GOT 13 RIGHT SO ISN'T             IT OBVIOUS THAT ITS 100%.

FEB  10   THE PLAY 'SHEAR MADNESS' (WHODUNIT SET IN BEAUTY PARLOR) HAD ITS 1000TH PERFORMANCE AT THE KENNEDY CENTER.

FEB  14   BETH AND I COUNTED 10 DIFFERENT NOISES THAT GEORGE MAKES WHILE HE IS SLEEPING.

FEB 15    BETH'S SCHOOL HAS ECOLOGY FAIR. AT LEAST 8 KIDS HAD VOLCANOS USING VINEGAR, BAKING SODA AND GOOEY DYE FOR ERUPTIONS. IF THEY HAD AIR QUALITY MONITORS THE ECOLOGY FAIR WOULD HAVE BEEN CLOSED FOR HEALTH REASONS.

FEB 20   GEORGE TELLS ME THAT SOME OLDER GIRLS HAVE BEEN TEASING HIM BY SINGING, "GEORGY, PORGY, PUDDING AND PIE...." AT HIM. I TOLD HIM: NEXT TIME TELL THE GIRLS THAT IF THEY DON'T STOP HE WON'T LET THEM PLAY WITH HIS OIL WELLS IN AUSTRALIA. I ALSO TOLD HIM THAT WHEN THE GIRLS WANT TO KNOW WHERE, HE SHOULD SAY THEY WERE IN SW QUEENSLAND. THE NEXT DAY GEORGE REPORTED THAT THE TEASING HAD STOPPED. (BECAUSE OF GIRL'S CONFUSION)

FEB  26   BETH TAKING SPECIAL SESSION IN HGR (HUMAN GROWTH &        REPRODUCTION), WHAT WE CALLED SEX EDUCATION. 

     ME -      DID YOU LEARN ANYTHING TODAY IN HGR?

     BETH -    YEAH. WHEN YOU GET TO BE 15 YOU HAVE TO CHANGE PADS            8 TIMES A DAY FOR THE NEXT 100 YEARS.

MAR  01   OF 59 DAYS IN JAN AND FEB, 53 ABOVE NORMAL. FOLLOWUP OF        DEC'S SUPER RECORD COLD.

MAR  07   GEORGE SOLVED A NUMBER OF ADVANCED ARITHMETIC PROBLEMS (E.G. 27-8). HIS METHOD IS TO SAY THE PROBLEM TWICE, PUT A BLANKET OVER HIS HEAD, CRAWL UNDER A SPARE MATTRESS AND EMERGE WITH THE ANSWER. AFTER THE SESSION HE SAID, "I'M GOING TO BE REAL GOOD IN MATH IF THEY LET ME BRING A MATTRESS TO SCHOOL."

MAR  09   NIGHTMARE ON BROCCOLI ISLAND. AT FAREWELL LUNCH FOR COWORKER, 4 OF 5 FAMILY STYLE ENTREES WERE: BEEF BROCCOLI, SHRIMP BROCCOLI, BEEF (SPICY) BROCCOLI AND CHICKEN BROCCOLI. WE IMAGINED AN 18 WHEELER BACKED UP TO THE KITCHEN WITH A GUY LOADING THE BROCCOLI DIRECTLY INTO THE WOK. A WEEK LATER PRESIDENT BUSH ORDERED BROCCOLI TO BE BANNED FROM AIR FORCE ONE.

MAR  12   95° F IN BALTIMORE-NEW MARCH RECORD. ALSO A BIG DAY FOR GEORGE WHO PROVIDED THE SPEAKER AT THE SCHOOL'S YOUNG ASTRONAUT CLUB AND FOR SHARING TIME GOT THE FIRST GRADE TO READ THE BOOK OF ESTER (I'LL HAVE TO TELL HIM ABOUT THE BILL OF RIGHTS).

MAR  15   BETH WAS GIVEN ASSIGNMENT TO WRITE ABOUT BEING A LETTER IN A BOWL OF SOUP AND HOW SHE FELT ABOUT CRACKERS, HOW SHE LIKED BEING COOLED OFF BY PEOPLE BLOWING ON HER, WHAT SHE WOULD DO IF SHE WAS ABOUT TO BE EATEN, ETC. EDUCATION SEEMS TO HAVE TAKEN A BIZARRE AND TRAUMATIC TURN TODAY.

MAR  19   I TAPED A COMEDIAN IMPERSONATING PRESIDENT BUSH AND WAS ABOUT TO SHOW IT TO BETH AFTER SHOWING A TAPE OF THE REAL GEORGE BUSH. I FORGOT TO EXPLAIN THE SEQUENCE AND DURING THE REAL GEORGE BUSH, BETH SAID, "WOW, HE'S GOOD. HE LOOKS EXACTLY LIKE HIM."

MAR  20   ON FIRST DAY OF SPRING, UP TO 4" SNOW AND WIND CHILLS          DOWN TO NEAR ZERO F.

MAR  22   DISCUSSION ABOUT TEENAGE MUTANT NINJA TURTLES WITH GEORGE CROSSED WITH DISCUSSION ABOUT BIBLE WITH BETH AT ONE POINT, GEORGE SAYS, "BETHY, YOU SHOULD KNOW THAT TEENAGE MUTANT NINJA TURTLES DIDN'T EVEN START UP UNTIL AFTER COLUMBUS."

MAR  24   MORE SNOW. UP TO 4" AGAIN. WIND CHILLS TO LOW TEENS. FIRST TIME IT HAS SNOWED TWICE ON CHERRY BLOSSOMS).

APR 03   ANN HAS DREAM IN WHICH SHE IS BEING CHASED BY EVIL STANDARD INDUSTRIAL CLASSIFICATION NUMBERS AND IN THE DREAM I REFUSED TO FIGHT THEM OFF. EVEN IN SLEEP I CAN GET INTO TROUBLE.

APR  04   BETH'S SCIENCE DISCUSSION IS ABOUT WHY AND HOW PEOPLE THROW UP. VARIOUS KIDS GAVE TESTIMONIALS, MY FAVORITE BEING THE KID WHO CLAIMED PIZZA WAS SERVED TOO FAST FOR HIM TO PROPERLY CHEW IT.

APR  07   THIRD SPRING SNOWSTORM. UP TO 4" AGAIN. SNOW FLURRIES ON CHERRY BLOSSOM PARADE AND ON BALT VS. ST L  EXHIBITION BASEBALL GAME. PARTS OF VIRGINIA GOT 12" SNOW AND TO MINIMUMS OF 17° F NEXT MORNING.

APR  17   ROBERTO KELLY OF NY YANKEES IS THROWN OUT STEALING TWICE IN SAME INNING (TIES RECORD).

APR  19   BETH DREAMS THAT HER STUFFED ANIMALS GOT INTO A FIGHT WITH EACH OTHER.

APR  24   GEORGE DREAMS THAT AFTER DRINKING A CAN OF MILWAUKEE'S BEST LITE (BEER), I FORCE HIM TO EAT CANDY BARS.

APR  25   BILL BUCKNER (BOSTON) HITS INSIDE THE PARK HR AT 40 YRS (+ 2 MO). FIRST SINCE LUKE APPLING (1949) TO DO SO.

APR  29   AS OF TODAY, HOME TEAMS IN THE NATIONAL LEAGUE ARE 45-64. GREG MADDOX OF CHI CUBS GETS 7 PUTOUTS IN A GAME (RECORD FOR A PITCHER) ALL BY COVERING 1B ON GROUND BALLS (VS LA). WICHITA FALLS BEATS MIDLAND 33-17 IN 'AA' BASEBALL GAME (NOT A RECORD SINCE BEAUMONT AND EL PASO SCORED 56 RUNS IN A GAME IN 1983).

APR  30   UP TO 27" SNOW NEAR COLORADO SPRINGS.

MAY  03   MIKE BLOWERS (NY YANKEES) HAS 4 ERRORS IN 3 INNINGS - ALL ON EASY GROUND BALLS.

MAY  05   WHILE I TOOK BETH TO SPRINGFIELD (VIRGINIA), GEORGE TOLD MY PARENTS THAT I WAS GOING TO SPRINGFIELD, ILLINOIS WITH BETH. UPON EXPLANATION, GEORGE THOUGHT HIS MISTAKE FUNNY.

MAY  06   HOME TEAMS IN NL NOW 58-80 (TREND REVERSED BY MID MAY).

MAY  08   GEORGE DOESN'T FEEL WELL. I STAYED HOME. HE FELT BETTER AGAIN. I TOOK HIM TO SCHOOL. WHILE TAKING A BUS TO THE RAIL STATION, THE BUS CAUGHT FIRE AND WE HAD TO WAIT FOR ANOTHER BUS. TOTAL ONE WAY TIME 1 HOUR 45 MIN.

MAY  09   GEORGE - DADDY, WOULD RATHER BE BATMAN OR SUPERMAN?

     ME - (PAUSE) SUPERMAN.

     GEORGE -  WHY?

     ME -      I WOULDN'T LIKE TO WORK WITH CHIEF O'HARA AND                  COMMISSIONER GORDEN.

     GEORGE -  WHY NOT?

     ME -      THEY'RE SO STUPID THEY CAN'T EVEN ANSWER THE RIGHT PHONE OR TELL A REAL COP FROM THE RIDDLER DRESSED UP AS A COP.

     GEORGE -  WELL IF THEY'RE SO STUPID HOW DID THEY GET TO BE SO                 IMPORTANT?

     ME -      IT'S JUST A STORY, GEORGE. IT COULD NEVER HAPPEN                    LIKE THAT IN REAL LIFE (IRONIC LAUGHTER).

MAY  12   GEORGE HAS DONE AT LEAST 20 MIN OF AEROBIC WORKOUT EACH DAY FOR PAST TWO WEEKS. SOME DAYS HE DOES 2 DIFFERENT WORKOUTS (VIDEOTAPED OFF ESPN) BACK TO BACK.

MAY  15   PITCHERS FERNANDO VALENZUALA (LA) AND KEVIN GROSS         (MONTREAL) HIT HOME RUNS IN 3RD INNING OF SAME GAME.

MAY  16   THIRD ATTEMPT TO EXPLAIN TO BETH THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN 'RECYCLED' AND 'RECYCLABLE' AND WHY IT IS IMPORTANT ENDS WITHOUT SUCCESS. SCHOOL MUST BE GUMMING UP HER MIND SINCE SURELY THERE COULD BE NOTHING WRONG WITH MY EXPLANATION.

MAY  18   GEORGE SAYS A GIRL IN HIS 1ST GRADE CLASS IS LICKING HIS FACE UP TO HIS EAR (AT LUNCH). THIS FAMILY MUST GET CABLE OR RENT 'HIGHLIGHTS FROM DR. RUTH'.

MAY  20   PICNIC ENDS MARTIN'S 2ND YEAR AS A SUNDAY SCHOOL TEACHER. BETH LEAVES ONE OF HER PRIZES IN PARKING LOT.

MAY  21   COLD SNAP. BOSTON HAS MAX TEMP UNDER 45° F FOR 3          CONSECUTIVE DAYS.

     CHRONICLES 1990 cont.

MAY  22   IN SCHOOL, ONE OF BETH'S CLASS SAID, "...TO PRESERVE THE      ENDAGERED BLACK RHINO, WE NEED MORE RESERVE STATIONS."

          AFTER A PAUSE ANOTHER STUDENT SAID, "DO YOU MEAN          RESERVATIONS?" THEN ANOTHER STUDENT SAID, "THAT'S FOR          INDIANS." ANOTHER STUDENT SAID, "NO FOR AIRPLANES".

MAY  22   ANDRE DAWSON (OF CHI CUBS) RECEIVES 5 INTENTIONAL WALKS       IN ONE GAME (NEW MAJOR LEAGUE RECORD).

MAY  23   AFTER EATING SMOKED TURKEY AND GRAPEFRUIT JUICE BEFORE         BED I DREAMT THAT FORMER PRESIDENT REAGAN CAME OVER TO        MY HOUSE (WITH A HIGHWAY COWORKER OF MINE) AND WE WENT       OUT FOR A HAMBURGER AT WENDY'S AND THEN TO TEST DRIVE A        CAMPER (I DROVE). NO MORE SMOKED TURKEY BEFORE BED!!!

MAY  24   BETH FINDS A LARGE TOAD IN THE YARD. SHE GIVES HIM AWAY       TO A NEIGHBOR WHO CAME BY AND FOUND THE TOAD IRRESISTABLE        AS A PET.

MAY  26   15TH CONSECUTIVE WEEKEND WITH RAIN. BY MAY 28TH, THE           HEATING SYSTEM CAME ON AT MY PARENTS HOUSE AND BROTHER'S      HOUSE (1ST TIME I CAN REMEMBER THAT ON MEMORIAL DAY.)

MAY  28   BETH AND GEORGE AT MY OFFICE. GEORGE FORMATS 4 BOXES OF        DISKETTES. BETH PLAYS COMPUTER VERSION OF 'WHEEL OF       FORTUNE'. HER LACK OF KEYBOARD KNOWLEDGE LEEDS TO HER NOT           WINNING A NEW SPORT'S CAR. THAT NIGHT I SAY TO HER, "WELL          ALMOST WINNING AN IMAGINARY SPORTS CAR IS ALMOST AS GOOD          AS REALLY WINNING A REAL ONE ISN'T IT?" WE BOTH BREAK UP       IN NEAR HYSTERICAL LAUGHTER.

MAY  31   I TESTIFY AS EXPERT (CONSULTANT) WITNESS IN A HOWARD           COUNDY (MD) CASE. MY CLIENT WON ABOUT A 40% VICTORY. ONE      OF HIS OTHER EXPERTS MADE THREE ARITHMATIC ERRORS (ONE           CAUGHT BY THE JUDGE AND TWO BY OPPOSITION). THIS         EXPERIENCE A FIRST FOR ME.

JUN  01   19 RUNS SCORED IN 1ST TWO INNINGS SAN D @ ATL (12-7).

          ONE WEEK LATER 31 RUNS SCORED IN GAME SF 23 @ ATL 8 WHICH          MADE 59 RUNS IN TWO CONSEC FRI GAMES (1ST GAME FINAL WAS      16-12). AFTER THE SECOND GAME, ATL HAD 3 STARTING       PITCHERS WITH ERA'S OVER 5.00 AND BASEBALLS WORST TEAM         ERA (5.49). COINCIDENTALLY THE SAN D HAD BASEBALLS BEST      BATTING AVE AT .281 WHICH IS THE 1ST TIME SINCE THE DH        THAT THE NL HAD BOTH THESE LEADS.

JUN  02   GEORGE SCORES IN SOCCER GAME (HIS FIRST EVER).

JUN  04   LOCAL 8TH GRADE STUDENT ARRESTED FOR BRINGING AN ASSAULT      RIFLE AND AMMO TO SCHOOL

JUN  04   AFTER DOING 20 LAPS IN 65 F AIR TEMPERATURE, GEORGE SAYS      THAT HE MAY NOT WANT TO BE ON SWIM TEAM THIS YEAR.

JUN  05   BETH EXPLAINS SOME OF THE 'RULES' FOR BEING IN 5TH GRADE      FEMALE INFORMAL SOCIETIES (CLIQUES). ONE OF THEM REQUIRES          PINK OR WHITE SOX, BLOUSE COMBINATIONS AND A WEEKLY GROUP          SHOPPING TRIP. ANOTHER KEYS ON PUFFY BLOUSE TUCK IN AT        THE WAIST LINE.

JUNE 09   FAMILY TRIP TO LANCASTER PA. ON FIRST DAY, I DROPPED ANN      OFF AT RETAIL OUTLET CENTER, VISITED AN AMISH FARM (WITH      NURSING SOW AND 12 PIGLETS), GOT KIDS A BUGGY RIDE, WENT          TO TOY TRAIN MUSEUM, WINERY, AND ANTIQUE CAR SHOW (THEY      HAD A TUCKER) AND PICKED ANN UP 6 HRS LATER.

JUNE 10   1ST TIME EVER SHAVED WITH A WOMAN'S RAZOR (BEST SHAVE          EVER). TRIP HIGHLIGHT - AFTER SEEING 18TH CENTURY IRON        FURNACE (40 FT TALL) IN CORWALL, PA I WAS AT AN         INTERSECTION LOOKING AT A MAP. A NATIVE CAME UP AND         OFFERED TO ASSIST ME IN GETTING TO MY NEXT DESTINATION.       I SAID, "I'M TRYING TO GET TO LITITZ (THERE WAS A HOT AIR       BALLOON RACE)". THE NATIVE SAID, "WHERE DO YOU REALLY          WANT TO GO?"

JUNE 11   NOLAN RYAN BECOMES THE OLDEST TO PITCH A NO HITTER (43)        AND FIRST TO PITCH ONE FOR 3 DIFFERENT TEAMS (CAL,        HOUSTON, TEXAS) AND IN 3 DIFFERENT DECADES. ALSO HE HAS       STRUCK OUT 5152 OVER CAREER INCLUDING 44 MVPs, 19 HALL          OF FAMERS AND 6 FATHER SON COMBINATIONS. ALSO THE MOST       NO HITTERS (6) IN CAREER. ON JUL 31 HE GOT HIS 300TH WIN.

JUNE 14   METS OUTFIELDER DARYL BOSTON IS HIT BY PITCH FOR SECOND        DAY IN A ROW AFTER GOING HIS FIRST 1592 PLATE APPEARANCES          WITHOUT A HBP

JUNE 17   FIRST WEEKEND W/O PRECIP SINCE MID FEB (17 WEEK STREAK)

JUNE 21   THE STEELE'S SPORTS CO. OF GRAFTON OHIO SOFTBALL TEAM

          (SLOW PITCH) IS IN TOWN FOR A SERIES OF GAMES. ACCORDING      TO THE NEWSPAPER, ONE OF THEIR PLAYERS (MIKE MACENKO)        ONCE HIT 844 HOME RUNS IN A 350 GAME SEASON. THE TEAM        ALLEGEDLY ONCE HIT 26 HOME RUNS IN A INNING, 63 IN A GAME         AND 23,000 OVER A FIVE YEAR PERIOD.

JUNE 22   BETH REPORTS FIRST DISASTER OF THE SUMMER. IT SEEMS SHE        PUT TOO MUCH SOAP IN THE DISHWASHER AND SUDS GOT ALL OVER          THE FLOOR. I ASKED "WELL BETH, WHAT WILL IT LOOK LIKE         WHEN I GET HOME?"

          BETH ANSWERED, "ONE SIDE OF THE KITCHEN FLOOR WILL BE TOO          CLEAN."

          I RESPONDED, "GUESS WE WILL JUST HAVE TO LIVE WITH IT." JUNE 24     THE SNAKE PLANT (OUTSIDE FOR THE SUMMER) ACTUALLY IS           FLOWERING.

JUNE 25   BOTH VACUUM CLEANERS MALFUNCTION IN SAME DAY (MURPHY'S         LAW) BUT ONE WAS FIXABLE BY DUCT TAPE AND FOR THE OTHER       I WAS ACTUALLY ABLE TO FIND THE INSTRUCTION MANUAL AND          FIX THE PROBLEM (MAJOR VIOLATIONS OF MURPHY'S LAW)   

JUNE 26   PHOENIX, ARIZ WHICH HAD HIT 120 F THE DAY BEFORE HITS 122 JUNE 27     OFF TO ATLANTA FOR VISIT - TRAIN DELAYED FOR OVER AN HOUR          BETWEEN DC AND ALEXANDRIA.

JULY 1,6  ANDY HAWKINS OF NY YANKS LOSES A NO HITTER. TWO OUT NONE 7    ON IN 8TH,ERROR,WALK,WALK,ERROR,ERROR. IN HIS NEXT           APPEARANCE HE HAD A 11 INNING SHUTOUT AND DID NOT GET        DECISION (YANKS LOST). STEVE BALBONI OF YANKS GOT A       SACRIFICE BUNT FOR THE FIRST TIME IN 3253 PLATE         APPEARANCES.

JULY 1    CLIMBED TO TOP OF MT. PISGAH IN N.C. SAW SNAKE HOLDING        UP TRAFFIC ON THE PATH.

JULY 4    GOT SUNBURN AND FIRE ANT BITE AT RIVER BEND          SUBDEVELOPMENT POOL IN ATLANTA.

JULY 6    TRAIN DELAYED 8 HRS DUE TO DERAILMENT. ON THE WAY BACK         ABOUT 11 AM, ANN SAID, "LOOK HONEY, WE'RE PASSING         SALISBURY N.C. THAT'S WHERE WE HAD OUR FIRST DERAILMENT"       (USING HER ROMANTIC VOICE).

JULY 12   MELIDO PEREZ PITCHES 6 INNING NO HITTER FOR WHITE SOX (VS          NY). THE PREVIOUS RAIN SHORTENED NO HITTER WAS PITCHED        BY HIS BROTHER PASCUAL (5 INNINGS FOR MONTREAL VS PHIL           9/24/88)

JULY 14   THE RED MARKS CAUSED BY TWO FIRE ANT BITES JULY 4 ARE          FINALLY FADING FROM MY WRIST. SNAKE PLANT FLOWER STEM         DIES WITHOUT PRODUCING FLOWERS. I OBSERVED BETH DOING          RANDOM BALLET MOVES WHILE LOOKING INTO THE REFRIGERATOR       TO SEE WHAT TO EAT. UPON POINTING IT OUT TO HER, SHE       SAYS, "OH DARN, I HATE BEING GRACEFUL."

JULY 15   GEORGE FORCES ME TO PLAY THE BOARDGAME OF NINJA TURTLES       BY THREATENING ME WITH PUFFING BUTTERSCOTCH AND PEANUT       BUTTER FUMES (MY MOST HATED FOOD SMELLS) AT ME. GEORGE      WINS GAME (BETH SECOND I WAS A DISTANT THIRD).

JULY 16   STARTED TO TEACH BETH AND GEORGE THE CARD GAME OF SHEEP'S          HEAD. IT WILL PROBABLY TAKE REST OF SUMMER. GEORGE IS         ALREADY FASCINATED THAT THE JACK OF CLUBS IS NOT A CLUB           (IT IS A TRUMP) AND THAT THE 10 IS HIGHER THAN THE KING.

JULY 17   TWINS GET 2 GAETTI-NEWMAN-HRBEK GROUND BALL TRIPLE PLAYS      IN SAME GAME (THEY LOST TO BOSTON 1-0 ANYWAY). THE NEXT          DAY TWINS GOT 6 DOUBLE PLAYS FR BOSTON AND LOST 5-4       (TWINS HIT INTO 4 DOUBLE PLAYS ALSO.)

JULY 17   THE DRUG/PERJURY TRIAL OF MAYOR OF D.C. MARION BARRY           PRODUCES THIS ALL STAR MOMENT:

          DEFENSE COUNCIL- "...DID COCAINE AFFECT YOUR MEMORY OR             DID IT HAVE ANY EFFECT UPON YOUR MEMORY WHATSOEVER?"

          WITNESS - AFTER A BRIEF PAUSE, "NOT THAT I RECALL".

JULY 22   MARTIN: "OH DARN, I FORGOT TO SHAVE THIS MORNING"

          BETH:   "DON'T WORRY, YOU'LL HAVE PLENTY OF DAYS TO                SHAVE"

          WHERE DID SHE PICK UP THIS GLIB RESPONSE- HMMMM

JULY 26   AT SWIMMING POOL BETH FOUND A COCKROACH 2" LONG. I        PUSHED IT OVER ON IT'S BACK AND IT COULDN'T FLIP ITSELF          OVER. TOLD BETH "SEE WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU TAKE       STEROIDS".

JULY 28   SHAWON DUNSTON HITS 3 TRIPLES VS MONTREAL (CUBS WINS)

JULY 29   AT POOL AGAIN. GEORGE DOES LAP IN 61 SEC. BETH IN 31 SEC.

          I POINTED OUT A CLOUD FORMATION TO BETH. SHE SAID, "WOW        IT'S 3 DIMENSIONAL". I SAID, "NO. DUH." SHE SAID,         "NO..IT'S REALLY REALLY 3 DIMENSIONAL".

JUL  29   RED SOX GET 12 DOUBLES AT DETROIT, WIN 13-3

AUG  01   AT GROCERY STORE THE CHECKOUT LINE WAS LONG AND I TOLD         BETH& GEORGE THEY COULD WATCH LOBSTERS FOR 10 MIN.

          GEORGE SAYS, "HOW WILL WE KNOW WHEN 10 MINUTES ARE UP?"

          I RESPONDED, "ASK ONE OF THE LOBSTERS."

          ALSO AT THE STORE I GOT A 6 PACK OF LONE STAR BEER AND         TOLD GEORGE HE COULD HAVE A REAL TEXAS SUPPER OF 2        BALONEY SANDWICHES ON WHITE W MAYO AND A LONE STAR BEER.          HE ASKED IF HE HAD EVER HAD BEER BEFORE. I SAID THAT HE        HAD BUT HADN'T LIKED IT LATELY. HE SAID, "OF COURSE NOT       SINCE IT WASN'T TEXAS BEER." (HE LIKES BALONEY ON WHITE       W MAYO AND I HAVE KIDDED HE THAT HE WAS BECOMING A         TEXAN.)

AUG 06   ON TRIP RETURNING FROM WISC. I WAS 4 HRS LATE GETTING TO      DC AT ABOUT 1AM. (MUCH OF THE TIME WAS SPENT CIRCLING        NATIONAL AIRPORT TO AWAIT THE MOVEMENT OF A        THUNDERSTORM). MIDWAY AIRLINES HAD TRANSFERED ME TO NW          AIRLINES BUT HAD INSISTED TO MY WIFE THAT I HAD ARRIVED        ON TIME IN DC (SINCE I WAS ON THE MANIFEST).

AUG  07   TESTED BETH AND GEORGE IN SWIMMING. BETH TOOK 31 SEC TO       DO 25m DOWN FROM 35 SEC IN 88. GEORGE TOOK 61 SEC.

AUG  10   RETURN TRIP FROM PHOENIX, DENVER. ALL MOTELS HAD FREE          FULL BREAKFAST AND SOCIAL HOUR DRINKS. AS AN EXPERIMENT,      I SENT MYSELF A POSTCARD WITH ONLY MY NAME AND WORK ZIP          CODE. IT ARRIVED IN 3 DAYS.

AUG  14   HIGH IS ONLY 78 F IN PHOENIX (33 N LAT) BUT 81 F IN      FAIRBANKS (65 N LAT).

          BETH AND GEORGE ARRANGE THEIR STUFFED ANIMALS FOR A GROUP          PICTURE (LIKE IN THEIR SCHOOL PHOTOS). THEN PLAY CARDS        WITH TWO AT A TIME SITTING IN FRONT OF A DUMMY IN A       SHEEPSHEAD LIKE GAME (I TAUGHT THEM THE CONCEPT OF         DUMMY).

AUG 15    TERRY MULHOLLAND (OF PHIL) PITCHES 8TH NO HITTER OF       SEASON. WHILE HERM WINNINGHAM (OF CINN) IS 2ND OF SEASON          TO HIT 3 TRIPLES IN A GAME (VS. ST L.) IN N.L.

AUG  16   GEORGE IN CAR RETURNING FROM SWIMMING POOL SAYS HE WANTS      TO WATCH HIS TV PROGRAM WHEN HE GETS HOME. HIS PROGRAM       TURNED OUT TO BE "THE FRUGAL GORMET" MAKING A SAUSAGE       DISH ON THE PUBLIC TV STATION.

AUG  20   IRWIN AT BALTO-WASH AIRPORT MEETS ANOTHER PERSON NAMED         IRWIN WEISS JUST BEFORE AIRPORT PAGES AN "IRWIN WEISS"

AUG  20   AT MY OFFICE, THE BUILDING OWNERS HAVE RECENTLY PAINTED        THE INTERIOR STAIRWELLS FOR THE FIRST TIME IN 20 YEARS.       THE PAINT IS WHITE AND BECAUSE OF INADEQUATE VENTILATION          AND DRYING TIME, THE PAINT HAS CAPTURED THE PATTERN OF          DOZENS AND DOZENS OF SHOES BOTTOMS.

AUG  21   SOME ROADS CLOSED IN SIERRA NEV. BECAUSE OF >6" SNOW.    

AUG  22   PHIL SCORES 2 IN 8TH, 9 IN 9TH TO WIN @ LOS ANGELES.

AUG 22    BETH AND GEORGE WHILE PLAYING COMPUTER CHESS REALIZE THE      EASIEST WAY TO BEAT THE COMPUTER IS TO WAIT UNTIL YOU'VE      LOST MOST OF YOUR PIECES THEN MAKE THE COMPUTER SWITCH         SIDES.

AUG  23   FOURTH DAY IN A ROW WITH TEMPERATURES AVERAGING BELOW          70F. (NEXT DAY AVERAGED 75).

AUG  29   BACK FROM BEACH WHERE IT WAS OVER 100 F. DUE TO WAVES,         ETC. WE COULD SEE FISH CLEARLY IN THE OCEAN AS WELL AS        DOZENS OF CRABS AND OTHER SEA LIFE. UPON ARRIVAL AT HOME,        GEORGE'S GRANDMOTHER SAYS "WELL ALMOST TIME TO START               SCHOOL AGAIN"

          GEORGE SAYS "GRANDMA, YOU KNOW AUGUST ISN'T EVEN OVER              YET, WHY ARE YOU RUSHING ME."    

     1990 CHRONOLOGY OF WEISS FAMILY CONTINUED

SEP  01   ARLINGTON'S ONLY WORKING FARM (20 ACRES COUNTY OWNED)          REPORTS THEFT OF 10,000 NEAR RIPE TOMATOES RIGHT OFF THE      PLANT.

SEP  02   DAVE STEIB OF BLUE JAYS PITCHES 9TH NO HITTER OF YEAR

SEP  04   RETURNING LIBRARY BOOK OF GEORGE'S THEY CHARGED ME $5.00 (THE MAXIMUM FINE POSSIBLE). THAT NIGHT THE LIBRARY CALLED ME AT HOME AND SOMEWHAT SHEEPISHLY ADMITTED THAT THE FINE SHOULD ONLY HAVE BEEN 35 CENTS (THEY HAD A HARD TIME READING THE CARD).

SEP  05   BETH'S 6TH GRADE TEACHER HAS A 90 SECOND BATHROOM RULE.        BETH TOOK ABOUT 95 SEC. TODAY AND HAD TO MISS PLAYING AT      RECESS. IT IS NOT CLEAR WHAT THIS IS ABOUT EVEN AFTER        SPEAKING TO TEACHER.

SEPT 10   THE RODIN SCULPTURE IN GALLERY 17 OF THE NATL GALLERY OF ART CALLED "THOMAS FORTUNE RYAN" VIBRATES AT THE FREQUENCY OF THE AIR CONDITIONING SYSTEM AND THUS THE STATUE SEEMS TO HAVE A BEATING HEART. NEW DISCOVERY.

SEPT 11   ATLANTA COACH (JERRY GRANVILLE) APOLOGIES TO HOUSTON COACH (JACK PARDEE) BY SAYING "I'M A JERK FOR CALLING HIM A JERK". IN RESPONSE, PARDEE SAID, "NO COMMENT"

SEPT 13   BETH'S FIRST SOCCER PRACTICE OF NEW SEASON - NATURALLY IT          RAINS.

SEPT 18   DULLES AIRPORT DOWN TO 37 F, LAS VEGAS ODDS MAKE VISITING TEAMS FAVORED IN ALL 13 SUNDAY PRO FOOTBALL GAMES (FIRST EVER).

SEPT 18            PETER J. WEISS (M'S FATHER) 1918-1990

SEPT 23   ANN TELLS GEORGE TO BE QUIET BECAUSE SHE IS TIRED. GEORGE SAYS, "MOMMY YOU SHOULD BE IN BED BY 9:00 EVERY DAY EXCEPT WHEN YOU HAVE CLASS."

SEPT 29   WASHINGTON CATHEDRAL REMODELING JOB ENDS A SCANT 83 YEARS          (and $65 million) AFTER PROJECT BEGUN.

SEPT 29   OHIO STATE/USC GAME ENDS W 2'36" ON CLOCK (LIGHTNING &         RAIN). FIRST OHIO STATE GAME NOT COMPLETED IN 104 YEARS

SEPT 30   CONVERSATION BETWEEN GEORGE & ANN

          ANN - "I MAY GET A JOB WRITING SPEECHES & PAPERS, WHAT DO               YOU THINK OF THAT"

          GEORGE - "NO YOU SHOULDN'T DO THAT YOU DON'T KNOW ANY              GOOD STORIES"

          ANN - "WELL, WHAT DO YOU THINK I SHOULD DO?"

          GEORGE - "YOU SHOULD GET A JOB TALKING. LIKE OPRAH             WINFREY"

OCT  04   AT PARENT'S NIGHT WE WENT 30 MINUTES LATE TO BE ABLE TO MISS THE PTA MEETING. UNFORTUNATELY WE WERE NOT TOO LATE TO MISS A 20 MINUTE VIDEOTAPE TELLING US TO WATCH LESS TV AND TO RELY MORE ON PERSONAL INTERACTION. THE VIDEO ALSO HAD TESTIMONIALS FROM PARENTS WHO REPORTED THE ASTOUNDING FACT THAT WHEN THEIR KIDS DID MORE HOMEWORK THEY RECEIVED HIGHER GRADES. BECAUSE OF THIS VIDEO WE HAD NO TIME FOR INTERACTION WITH ANY OF THE TEACHERS

OCT  04   SUMMERY OF BASEBALL SEASON HIGHLIGHTS: NY YANKS LOST 95 GAMES-MOST SINCE 1912. FIRST NO STRIKE YEAR SINCE 72 WITH NO PLAYER GETTING 200 HITS. TOTAL MAJOR LEAGUE BALKS DROPPED TO 188 VS. 407 IN 89 AND 924 IN 88. CECIL FIELDER (DETROIT) IS FIRST AL PLAYER SINCE 61 TO HAVE 50 HRS (51). NOLAN RYAN (TEXAS) LED A LEAGUE IN K's FOR 4TH YEAR IN A ROW (AT AGE 43). BOB THIGPEN (CHISOX) HAD 57 SAVES TO SET MAJOR LEAGUE RECORD. WILLIE MCGEE WINS NL BATTING CHAMPIONSHIP WHILE PLAYING IN AL (FIRST EVER). MATT WILLIAMS IS 3RD SFer IN A ROW TO WIN NL RBI CROWN. FRANK VIOLA (NY METS) IS 18TH PLAYER IS WIN 20 IN BOTH LEAGUES. GEORGE BRETT IS FIRST TO WIN BATTING CHAMPIONSHIP IN 3 DIFFERENT DECADES (76,80,90). JERRY REUSS RETIRES HAVING WON GAMES IN 4 DIFFERENT DECADES (60's--90's). TORONTO SELLS OUT 57 HOME GAMES CONSECUTIVELY (MOST EVER). BOB WELSH (OAKLAND) HAS 27 WINS MOST SINCE '68. RYNE SANDBERG WITH 40 HRs IS 1ST 2ND BASEMAN TO WIN HR TITLE SINCE ROGERS HORNSBY IN 1925.

OCT  08   TOOK BETH & GEORGE TO SEE "FANTASIA". I TOLD THEM THATPART OF IT IS HOW THE DEVIL TORTURES THE SOULS OF THE DAMNED. GEORGE ASKED EVERY TWO MINUTES, "WHEN AM I GOING TO GET TO SEE THE DEVIL".

OCT  16   WHILE AT BETH'S SOCCER PRACTICE, GEORGE AND I SAW A BIG (18", 15 lb) WOODCHUCK. I SAW THE WHOLE ANIMAL, GEORGE SAW ONLY THE HEAD.

OCT  18   AS WE WERE EATING SUPPER, BETH LOOKED OUT THE WINDOW AND SAID, "LOOK, A RAINBOW". WE ALL STOPPED EATING, AND WENT ACROSS THE STREET TO A HILL AND LOOKED. IT WAS A DOUBLE RAINBOW, ACTUALLY.

OCT  19   GEORGE WARNS AGAINST EATING TOO MUCH SCRAMBLED EGG AT          BREAKFAST. "WHY NOT" M ASKED.

          "BECAUSE," SAID GEORGE, "YOU MIGHT TAKE TOO LONG TO EAT THEM, THEN BE LATE FOR WORK, THEN BE FIRED, THEN YOU WOULDN'T WANT TO PLAY WITH ME TOMORROW." -NOW THAT'S THINKING AHEAD.

OCT  20   FIRST LIGHT FROST (NATL AIRPORT'S MINIMUM ONLY 46°F).

OCT  24   MARTIN IS DEALT 9 DIAMONDS (A,K,J,10), 2 HEARTS (A,X) AND 2 SPADES (X,X) IN BRIDGE. RIGHT HAND OPP BIDS 1§. BIDDING THEN GOES -2§,3§,P,P,4NT,P,5§,D,5¨D,P,P,D,P,P,P DOWN 1.

OCT 25    UP TO 2' SNOW IN NORTH CAROLINA MTNS.

OCT 27    TOOK BETH & GEORGE TO WOODLAWN PLANTATION WHERE PEOPLE WERE DRESSED IN SCARY COSTUMES, DID SCARY THINGS, ETC. (MOST SCARY WAS A BANSHEE GOING UP AND DOWN STAIRS IN STROBE LIGHTING & WEIRD MUSIC). GEORGE POINTED TO A LADY DRESSED IN BLACK TORN DRESS AND HINGED SKELETON MASK AND SAID, "YOU LOOK LIKE MY CAFETERIA MONITOR".

NOV 5     HOUSTON BEAT TCU 56-35 IN GAME WHERE TCU QB MATT VOGLER (NORMALLY A 2ND STRINGER) WAS 44 FOR 79 FOR 690 YDS. THE HOUSTON QB DAVE KLINGLER WAS 36 OF 53 FOR 563 YDS. 8 NCAA RECORDS WERE BROKEN (KLINGER HAD PASSED FOR OVER 400 YDS IN 6 OTHER GAMES THIS SEASON).

NOV 6     M'S MOTHER LEAVES KEYS LOCKED IN CAR TWICE IN SAME DAY. BETH AND GEORGE WITNESSED (THEY WERE STAYING WITH HER) AND COULDN'T WAIT TO TELL ME ABOUT IT.   

NOV 12    BETH ALMOST UNDERSTANDS THAT A ¼ REST AND A ¼ NOTE GET THE SAME TIME IN HER VIOLA STUDY. HER TEACHER INDICATES SHE IS ALMOST TO THE SIMPLE SIGHT READING STAGE (I DIDN'T REACH THIS STAGE UNTIL ABOUT 8TH GRADE).

NOV  12   GEORGE REACTS TO ANN'S SUGGESTION THAT HE GIVE JACK A HUG FOR HELPING HIM WITH HIS COMPUTER WORK: "BUT MOMMY, ONLY GEEKS HUG MEN OUTSIDE THEIR FAMILY".

NOV  13   10 FLOORS OF SCAFFOLDING OUTSIDE BLDG AT WORK.       BUILDING MANAGEMENT IS HAVING THE MARBLE CLADDING CUT IN HALF AND PUT BACK IN PLACE, PRESUMABLY TO REDUCE THE DEFORMATION PER PANEL (ALTHOUGH NOT THE DEFORMATION/").

NOV  14   BETH & GEORGE ARE ASKED TO TRY ON PREVIOUS WINTER'S BOOTS TO SEE IF THEY STILL FIT. A FEW MINUTES AFTER I SENT THEM TO DO THIS, I HEARD SOUND EFFECT TYPE WORDS E.G. 'WHAMP', 'KA-CHING', 'PLIFFFT', ETC. SOMEWHAT LIKE THE IF THE WORDS SHOWN DURING A FIGHT ON THE TV SHOW 'BATMAN' WERE PRONOUNCED OUT LOUD.

NOV  20   SAD DAY. THE LIQUOR STORE ACROSS THE STREET FROM MY       OFFICE CLOSED. THE STORE WAS NAMED 'BOURBON STREET'.

NOV  23   BETH AND GEORGE AT OFFICE. ONCE AGAIN THEY DID USEFUL WORK (ADDRESSED ADDRESS LABELS, FORMATTED COMPUTER DISKETTES).

NOV  24   ON TRIP AROUND LAKE. BETH NOTICED ALL THE DUCKS WERE FOLLOWING US. SHE PRETENDED TO GIVE THEM A FRISBEE TO EAT AND MANY OF THE DUCKS TRIED TO NIBBLE ON IT. DUCKS MAY BE HUNGRY BECAUSE OF  THE NEW 'NO FEEDING DUCKS' SIGNS AROUND THE LAKE.

          BETH MADE BROWNIES AND PUT THEM IN MUFFIN PAPERS TO COOL. NOVEL APPROACH AND TASTED QUITE GOOD.

NOV  26   AT WORK TODAY I ACTUALLY HAD TO WRITE SOME WORDS          JUSTIFYING THE FACT THAT I WANTED A CONTRACT AWARD TO BE OPEN AND COMPETITIVE. ALSO AT LUNCH WE HAD CONSECUTIVE BRIDGE HANDS WHERE THE DUMMY HAD HONORS IN THE BID SUIT (BOTH MY PARTNERSHIP).

NOV  27   GEORGE MANAGES TO GET A FINGERPRINT ON THE MAGNETIC PART OF A 3.25" COMPUTER DISKETTE. I SUPPOSE HE THOUGHT THAT HE COULD GET IT TO WORK BETTER BY TAKING IT APART. INCREDIBLY ENOUGH, THE STORE JUST GAVE US A NEW ONE FOR

          FREE.

NOV  28   71 F AT MIDNIGHT AT NATIONAL AIRPORT.

NOV  30   POLITICS IN 2ND GRADE. GEORGE REPORTS THAT A GIRL NAMED 'KELLY' STARTED A CLUB WHICH REQUIRED AN ADMISSION FEE OF $10. WHEN NO BOYS HAD PAID THEIR FEE ALL WEEK, KELLY MADE ADMISSION OFF LIMITS TO BOYS. GUESS THAT WILL TEACH THEM TO PAY ON TIME, EH.

DEC  01   PICKED UP BETH, ANN AND GEORGE AT BALLSTON COMMONS MALL. ANN AND BETH WENT TO LOOK AT MORE STORES. GEORGE AND I WERE SUPPOSED TO WATCH THE BAG OF CLOTHES AND PURCHASED ITEMS. WE BOTH FORGOT. FORTUNATELY, THE SECURITY GUARDS SAVED IT FOR US.

DEC  06   POLITICS IN 2ND GRADE UPDATE. GEORGE REPORTED THAT SOME OF THE GIRLS IN KELLY'S CLUB WERE TELLING ANOTHER CLUB WHAT WAS GOING ON IN KELLY'S CLUB (I.E. THEY WERE SPIES). KELLY RECRUITED GEORGE FOR HER CLUB AFTER HE HELPED HER CLEAN THE CLASSROOM. THEN ONE OF THE GIRLS IN KELLY'S CLUB STARTED HER OWN COMPETING CLUB WHICH CAPTURED MOST OF THE GIRLS IN KELLY'S CLUB.

DEC  06   WHEN I GOT HOME, I ASKED BETH TO CLEAN HER PAPERS OFF THE FLOOR NEAR THE KITCHEN DOOR. I THEN WENT UPSTAIRS AND HEARD THE FOLLOWING:

              BETH- GEORGE, WOULD YOU HELP ME CLEAN THIS UP.

               GEORGE - WHAT'S IN IT FOR ME.

DEC  06   AT WOODLAWN WINTER CONCERT, BETH HAD A DUET WITH ANOTHER STRING PLAYER. AT THE CONCLUSION OF THEIR PERFORMANCE, I YELLED, "BRAVO!". THE STRING TEACHER THEN SAID, "I WONDER HOW MUCH HE GOT PAID FOR THAT". AT THE END OF THE CONCERT (A CHORAL) SEVERAL OF THE PARENTS OF KIDS WHO HAD SOLOED (OR DUETED) YELLED, "BRAVO".

DEC  12   I WAS ABLE TO HAVE A LEISURELY BREAKFAST WITH BETH AND         GEORGE TODAY. IN EXPLANATION:

          MARTIN - I GET TO GO IN LATE AND GET HOME EARLY TODAY              BECAUSE I'M ATTENDING A SEMINAR.

          BETH - AREN'T YOU DOING ANY OF YOUR REGULAR WORK?

          MARTIN - NO

          BETH - HOW MUCH ARE YOU PAYING FOR IT.

          MARTIN - NOTHING BUT THE GOVERNMENT IS PAYING $200.

          BETH - THAT'S STUPID. THE GOVERNMENT IS WASTING MONEY              JUST LIKE A TEENAGER.

          MARTIN - NOT REALLY BETH. WHEN TEENAGERS WASTE MONEY,              THEY HAVE FUN.

DEC 12    WATCHING A NATURE SHOW, WE SAW AN ARCTIC WEASEL KILL A         RABBIT. THE CONVERSATION:

          BETH - THAT'S NOT RIGHT.

          MARTIN - BUT THE WEASEL HAS TO EAT TOO. IF THE WEASEL              DOESN'T KILL RABBITS, IT WOULD STARVE AND DIE.

          BETH - BUT THE WEASEL SHOULD DIE BECAUSE IT'S SO GROSS.

DEC  16   AT 8:30 I SENT THE KIDS UPSTAIRS TO BED AND SAID THAT I WOULD BE UP IN 10 MINUTES. AT 8:45 GEORGE CAME DOWN AND SAID: "I'VE BEEN WAITING FOR YOU, OBEE WON (A LINE FROM

          'STAR WARS')".

DEC  18   BETH AND GEORGE GET ME TO RECOUNT PAINFUL INCIDENTS OF MY CHILDHOOD. I TELL THEM ABOUT THE TIME MY HAND WAS PUNCTURED BY A SPIKE IN A FOOTBALL GAME. THEY ASK A SERIES OF QUESTIONS SUCH AS, "DID IT HURT FOR A LONG TIME". "DID YOUR WHOLE ARM HURT". "DID IT HURT EXTRA HARD WHEN YOU MOVED YOUR FINGERS" AND OTHER SIMILAR QUESTIONS.

DEC  19   LA LAKERS HELD TO 74 POINTS (BY CLEVE) IN NBA GAME.       LOWEST POINT TOTAL SINCE 1953.

DEC  19   NORTHERN VIRGINIA EX-HIGH SCHOOL STUDENT ROWANNE BREWER (FORMER MISS MD, AND 'BEST BODY ON BEACH' NOW BEING ROMANTICALLY LINKED TO DONALD TRUMP IS REFERRED TO BY CHUCK JONES, PUBLICIST FOR MARLA MAPLES, AS "A TRAMP".

DEC 19/22 ARCTIC AIR OVER WEST. TRUCK FUEL JELLS WYOMING (-53°F). ALL TIME RECORDS SET AT WINNEMUCCA NEV (-37°F) AND SACRAMENTO, CALIF. (17°F) AS WELL AS FIRST RECORDED SNOWFALL EVER AT SANTA MARIA, CALIF.

DEC  20   AT SYNAGOGUE, RABBI DRAGGED SERMON ON AND ON. GEORGE LEANS OVER TO ME AND SAYS, "DADDY, IS ALL THIS REALLY NECESSARY."